Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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