I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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