I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
