One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
