He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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