you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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