I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
