well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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