i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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