Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
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