Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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