my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize