Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
