If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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