I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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