Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
