gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
