I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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