Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
