you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
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I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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