That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
