I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
