Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
