Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Randomize