Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
