you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Two words: blizzard sex
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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