I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
