i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Randomize
