first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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