u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
