I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
