I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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