Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
ugly people sure do ruin things
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
