Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
