I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
