I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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