You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
