Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
