There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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