Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
