idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
