I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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