She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
