Your dad touched me again.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
