i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
