New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize