i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
