you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'm gonna fight the coyote
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
