hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
