just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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