I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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