when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
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Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
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And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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