too bad you live with your parents still
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
