I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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